It happens every time. Each time a major event on the kink calendar comes up, it’s all anyone can talk about. The social media feeds gets buzzing with anticipation. For those going, it can be exciting to enjoy the build-up and excitement of the events. However for those who aren’t, it can be a very different story.
I’ve often spoken about the power of social media in bringing our community together. Our ability to connect with each other openly via social media and dating apps expands or kink world beyond borders, bringing us closer than ever before. Still, there are some things the internet cannot replace. While we may get to experience connection and expression online, nothing beats a real-life gathering of kinksters who meet up, gear up and live their kink openly. Not too long ago, big kink-related events were something unheard of. Nowadays, its a major part of our community, and how we live our kink lives.
With a roster full of exciting opportunities to gear up through out the year, the temptation to attend them all is real, as is the fear of missing out (FOMO) if you don’t. Social media sure doesn’t help, with constant hype before, during and after an event takes place. It can feel as if the whole world is out there having a good time, and you’re at home, watching it all takes place through your instagram feed. A few years ago, that was me. I remember scrolling through my social media during big events and devouring every morsel of that life I could. And I remember just how awful it felt I couldn’t touch it or live it myself. Couldn’t? More like wouldn’t, and in all honestly, probably shouldn’t.
“Attending kink events is a privilege many of us share. But not all of us.
As mentioned in a previous column , coming out to yourself and the world around you about your kink is a work in progress, and happens step by step. Attending an event, whether its your first Folsom or your twentieth, represents another exciting chapter in your journey. It is a chapter many may experience without blinking, while others may still still not be fully ready to experience. Even those who may feel ready to ‘take the plunge’ may find it challenging to do so.
Whether its down to cost, logistics, personal circumstances or professional obligations, attending kink events is no small feat. Events taking place further away and over several days add to their complexity. Attending such events is a privilege – not simply because it shows the progress our community has made over time, but because it means we are are able to fully take advantage of it. Attending kink events is a privilege many of us share, but not all of us. It’s all to easy to forget those who have neither the time, money, or even safety to do so at will. Even those of us who can couldn’t possibly attend every single event we may like to. At one point or another, we all find ourselves scrolling through the feeds with a touch of FOMO.
“Use your FOMO to help you better understand your priorities, make stronger decisions and plan your next events accordingly.”
There’s a lot of hype out there about events, but also a lot of noise. And that noise can often make it harder to think for yourself. When it comes down to attending an event or not, t’s important to make a decision which is right for you and for your unique circumstance, honouring your obligations and assessing your priorities. Then, it’s important you own that decision despite the onslaught of glittering social media which may challenge it. A core principle of coaching is that that we all aim to make the best possible decision available to us, with the information and priorities we have at any given time. The fact people began posting photos from the event doesn’t change your priorities, nor should it challenge your decisions. If FOMO sets in, use it to help you better understand your priorities, make stronger decisions and plan your next events accordingly.
Who you are in gear is not a different person to your every day life, but merely another part of you. As such, your gear life should fit within the bigger picture of your life as a whole. Balance is key when making choices that respect the ecology of all parts of your life. While a weekend at an event may offer thrills and excitement, it is the weekends at home, with friends, loved ones or simply relaxing which provide you with a sense of balance. While potentially a little less exciting, they are no less important.
Here’s the good (and bad) news: there’s always another event around the corner. There will always be another opportunity for you to experience the joy of gear, but also one where you may suffer a case of the ‘shoulda, coulda, woulda’s. To ensure you make a strong decision and can stick to it, give yourself time and space to think ahead, and plan ahead. This means you will give yourself more options to achieve balance between all your priorities, both in and out of gear. Most importantly, it will ensure you write the next chapter of your journey with ownership and confidence. And rather than focusing on what you might be missing, why not consider what you might gain instead?
Let me ask you this:
- What kind of events are right for you and your personal experience in gear?
- What are your considerations when deciding if and how to attend an event?
- What events would you like to attend next? And how might you make it happen?
Think about it! 😏
Coach Guy
