We live in a world of extremes. As we face extreme summer heat, extreme views and even extreme emotions, it seems some days we’re living in a (rather poorly) scripted storyline. The line is blurred between right and wrong, and the forces of good and evil play out between heroes and villains. Wouldn’t it be great if someone just swooped in and saved the day?
I used to be obsessed with Batman as a kid. There was something about that character that just spoke to me: the strength, the gadgets, the adventures. Most of all, it was that suit: dark, form-fitting and unquestionably masculine, it was a costume that simply oozed power. For a 9-year old kid living in a vanilla word, the dark night was my kind of superhero. Growing up, I never realised how those images of superheroes would stay with me into adulthood, and play such a huge part in who I become. And the more conversations I have with people, the more I realise I wasn’t the only one.
For many kinksters, being exposed to depictions of superheroes growing up seemed to have sparked a unique connection. For me, it was Batman. For our editor Tony, it was Batman’s sidekick Robin; For my husband Alan it was the X-men; and for my friend Tom, it was the power-rangers. Years before realising (or understanding why) we were ‘different’, superhero stories gave us joy, comfort, and perhaps a taste of things to come. In a way, it seems superhero culture in comic books, tv and film ushered in a gay awakening. They were pure fetish. We just didn’t know it yet. And they activated an entire generation of kinksters.
As adults, we build a bridge between all parts of ourselves (past, present and future) to provide us a sense of wholeness which can take us further. I would argue that our love of gear builds a similar bridge, between our past and present, and between all parts of our lives. Young queer kids who use to get bullied emerge as adults ready get to reclaim their sense of self and dominance in a world that welcomes them. They who used to watch superheroes on tv and gasp at their marvel, now get to gear up and feel like superheroes themselves. Many people I’ve spoken to and coached speak of a power in gear, which they describe as undeniable and irresistible. Like an amour that becomes part of them, many see it as the epitome of being their true self, and the source of confidence and of their unique power.
“Anything which is an expression of you and your unique skills can be your superpower. You just have to tap into it.”
Drag performers have elevated this ability to a fine art. Whoever you are and whatever you’re into, how you express yourself affects how you feel internally, and vice versa. It becomes the source of your unique power. And that power can make incredible things happen, in your life and in the lives of others. It could be photography, painting, writing, singing, acting or dancing. It could be your flogging, bootlicking or fisting. Or it could just be your ability to listen, make people laugh, smile, or simply be a friend. Anything you can do which is an expression of you and your unique skills can be your superpower. You just have to tap into it.
With the Olympic Games in Paris now underway, we needn’t look far for examples of people doing the extraordinary. Much like myself, those who watched the opening ceremony saw a gathering of inspirational athletes From around the world coming together to push their power to the limit. Sometimes, I look at these athletes (mostly the male gymnasts, not gonna lie) and think of them as almost being super-human. For a good dose of perspective, just take a look at the Paralympic athletes. Even Celine Dion, standing on the Eiffel Tower singing, proved just how powerful we all can be when need to. These people are neither super-human, nor superheroes. They are just people like you, who know who they are, what they want and go after it. You can do the same.
When life’s plot-lines get messy and we get overwhelmed by forces of evil or despair, its all to easy for us to point a finger elsewhere, and paint someone else as the villain. But if you ask me, that’s pretty lazy writing. While sometimes forces outside your control may plot against you, it is what you do that is within your control that matters. We can wait for someone to swoop in and do the work for us, or we can do the work ourselves. Let’s put it this way: by painting someone else as the villain in your story, that leaves you with three key options: hero, victim or bystander. Who you choose to be is up to you.
“Not all heroes wear a cape. Some prefer a harness and pair of chaps.”
In a world which can often feel like a ‘multiverse of madness’, our own kink pocket universe lets us be who we want to be. We get to gear up, mask up and head out at night in search for adventure. We get to tap into the power within us and release it. Superheroes walk amongst us, without us even knowing it. I’m not simply referring to gearing up, but to speaking up and acting out. Many members of our community work tirelessly to build and sustain our world. These are the clubs, event organisers, volunteers and anyone who shows up with or without a title, and uses their power for good. Often overlooked, they often live in the shadows, quietly paving our roads with privilege.
Many expect their skills and abilities to magically emerge, and for their great powers to become known and revered. But there is no true power without ownership, skill and discipline. Get to know you, and what your unique traits, skills and talents are. Claim these as your ‘superpowers’ and nurture them. If you don’t, you’re simply playing pretend, and playing dress up. In our community, we are all privileged to have a space where we can each claim our power. Your unique origin story brought you these crosswords: will you let someone else write the rest of your story, or write it yourself? Not all heroes wear a cape. Some prefer a harness and pair of chaps. Gear up in what makes you feel most powerful, go out there and make a difference. Stand up for who you are, create, campaign and vote. It’s up to you to save the day.
Let me ask you this:
- What’s your unique superpower?
- How might you use your powers for good?
- What impact would this have on your life, and the lives of those around you?
Think about it! 😏
Coach Guy
