COLOGNE AIN’T EXACTLY PARIS WHEN IT COMES TO FASHION. TAKE THE LOBBY OF OUR HOTEL FOR EXAMPLE. THIS MORNING IT’S FILLED WITH ELDERLY STRAIGHT PEOPLE WEARING SUMMER CLOTHING FROM BRANDS AS DIVERSE AS H&M AND ZARA WITH A COLOR PALETTE THAT ISN’T QUITE POPPING, COMPLIMENTED BY SMILES THAT AREN’T REALLY THERE. THEN AGAIN WHO NEEDS CLOTHING WHEN YOU’RE A GAY MAN IN THE PRIME OF HIS LIFE WITH FREE TICKETS FOR TWO PARTIES CHOCK FULL OF HUNKY GERMANS WEARING NEXT TO NOTHING!
This weekend must have been written in the stars eons ago. It’s the beginning of July. The weather all over Western Europe is divine and there are major Prides going on in London, Madrid and Cologne. And while most of the people I follow on Instagram are busy living their best lives in the narrow streets and dim lit alleys of the Spanish capitol – #sluttybehaviour – my friends and I have decided to expertly ‘schwing’ our dancing legs till the break of dawn and way beyond.
It is Sunday morning 11.27 when we enter Nachtflug, the club where legendary party Green Komm is being held. My little gang of gays is fresh as fuck and we’re ready to rumble. We skipped Sexy on Saturday night – the Pride’s main party – and slept like babies. Apparently we’re the only ones that had a good night’s rest, because everyone around us is in full party mode. In front of the entrance there’s an elderly man dancing to the music in his own head and in the hallway leading up to the main room there are plastic containers with fruit. Water melon, pineapple, oranges, you name it. Breakfast for champions and a great remedy for dehydration.
The dance floor is packed. There are shirtless men all around bumping into me and I’m not complaining. It’s crystal clear that this crowd makes the most out of its gym memberships. The huge disco ball hanging from the ceiling features an animated skull and green and yellow lights are flashing to the beat of the music. At 12.00 Chris Bekker starts DJing. One of the first tunes he plays is a mix of ‘Shout’ by Tears For Fears: “Shout, shout, let it all out. These are the things I can live without.” Everyone sings along and my friends and I are slowly but surely starting to tune into the vibe of the party.
Two hours later we are definitely feeling the fun. One by one my friends are starting to flirt and make out with random strangers. I spot my fiancée sitting on a stool in a corner and to my surprise there’s a naked guy on all fours with his ass up in the air licking his sneakers. By this time I’ve already run into some past mistakes, talked to a super nice gay guy from Myanmar – what are the odds? – and I can’t stop staring at a blond twink, who is waving around his arms uncontrollably and seems to be trying to land an airplane – #lufthansa – or maybe he’s just vogueing. Who knows?
Around 15.30 John Doe is playing and the atmosphere starts to be more mellow. It’s less crowded than before and the vibe is getting sexier. Hornier even. People are becoming more communicative as well. The last hour the crowd is all smiles. There’s a lot of hugging going on and when the last song has finished everyone starts to clap for what seems like fifteen minutes. Germans love to clap – #truestory – but these partygoers are truly thankful for an amazing morning and afternoon. My friends and I leave the club around 18.30 to have a quick bite, a shower and some rest, because in a couple of hours we’re off to our next destination: Naughty Control.
Nine o’clock at night. Change of plans. What started out as a clique of five has turned into a team of two. It’s just Pablo – my Argentinean friend – and me. The rest of our little group fell in a coma hours ago and there’s no waking them up. Our walk from the Holiday Inn to Club Diamonds takes about thirty minutes. The heat of the day is still tangible and the streets are almost empty. When we arrive we are greeted by tough looking bouncers at the door. They are strict, but super friendly and we are inside in no time. Let’s party!
My fiancée and I went to Naughty Control last year as well during Christopher Street Day – the German name for Pride – and we absolutely loved it. So I’m really looking forward to this party. The venue is amazing. It has lots of room to sit down and chill – #comfortablesofas – and the walls are white and bright. You can hang out upstairs and look at all the action going on on the dance floor from a safe distance or make out in a corner with your newfound love interest. Combined with the great DJ’s and lightshows provided by Naughty Control it’s the perfect way to end Pride weekend. Highlight of the night is when they hand out yellow LED crowns to everyone present, which turns even the most butch men into happy queens – #suchfun.
What I love about gay parties like this is that there are always a couple of weirdo’s present. At one point we are treated to a slim hippie-esque guy with a ponytail taking over the dance floor. For ten minutes he performs some sort of advanced Bikram Yoga moves vaguely disguised as a dance routine before vanishing into thin air again and I can’t help but ask myself: “What the hell just happened?”
Compared to Green Komm the crowd at Naughty Control is a bit older. There are handsome muscle daddies in leather harnesses everywhere I look and I can’t help but smile at this. A French daddy keeps making advances and at one point a hot Israeli wolf or otter – #soconfusing – grabs me by the neck and kisses me – #12pointsfromthedutchjury #directmessagemeplease.
After that I decide to stop working and just have fun with my friend Pablo and a couple of other new ‘friends’, which means dancing till the club closes – I think it was at 7.30 – and have some adventures that are too personal to share with you, hahahaha!
WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT GREEN KOMM AND NAUGHTY CONTROL?
Check out www.greenkomm.com and www.naughtycontrol.com. Both parties take place multiple times a year and they are well worth a visit!
