Having a great night of sex with a person that you feel a REAL connection to, is EVERYTHING. To make that happen, you’ll have to put in some extra thought and effort, or as pop legend Britney Spears phrased it so eloquently: “You want a hot body? You want a Bugatti? You want a Maserati? You better work, bitch!”
Need some inspiration on how to make it work yourself? Then dig into this issue’s Top 10!
1. Pick three toys
I’m an advocate for sex toys. They challenge you to take more, go deeper, and boldly go where no one has gone before. Choose three toys at the beginning of the night. Go for the ones that you’re feeling, in that moment. Put them where you can see them to build up excitement. Don’t edit yourself when choosing toys. Pick a flogger, reach for that purple dragon dildo, and try out the sounding kit. Don’t feel ashamed about the things you want to try out and experience; be honest. If you have good chemistry, your date will definitely be up for giving you the pleasure you desire. Bonus tip: if you don’t have any sex toys, go shopping for them together, it’s all kinds of sexy!
2. Dress each other up
I love it when my partner dresses me up. Not just at the beginning of the night, but also during. On the one hand, he picks out gear, underwear, and clothing that he thinks, look sexy on me, making me more desirable to him. On the other hand, I feel more attractive, which does wonders for my ego, and that turns me on immensely. Keep in mind, that this is not about the end goal per se, it’s about the process. It’s about how he looks at me when he’s deciding on what works and what doesn’t. It’s about watching myself in that mirror, enjoying the transformation. The experience is crazy personal. It’s a great way to be in the moment together. Take turns in dressing each other up during the night, to keep things fresh.
3. Music sets the tone
The one who controls the music controls the mood. It’s as simple as that. Create a playlist on Spotify with songs that excite you, or have a chat with your friends to find out what they like to listen to when they’re having sex. If that’s too much work, you can pick a song that puts you in the right mood, turn on ‘song radio’, and let the algorithm do the rest. Then take off your clothes, see what’s underneath that shirt, and listen to your heart go Padam.
4. Smart lights and candles
Bad lighting kills the fantasy, that’s the main reason why daytime drag has a bad reputation. Proper lighting, on the other hand, does wonders for the mood you want to create. Light a few candles to double down on romance, or invest in some smart lamps, and turn your bedroom into a boudoir by bathing it in red lights. My gym is infamous for having great lighting in its black-tiled bathrooms; everyone and their mother takes their gym selfies there because it makes your body look AMAZING. You can achieve the same at home by playing with the placement of the candles and the intensity of your lamps. In this way, you and your date will want to eat each other up, because you look so goddamn gorgeous.
5. Make a porn!
This one is for all of you out there, who like to see themselves get freaky. Homemade porn is super fun to produce. It will make you aware of what you’re doing, and how your date reacts to it. Since you’re not just playing with your partner, but also with the camera, it will get the
creative juices – and other liquids – flowing. Are you the lead actor? Do you want to recreate a scene from an existing porn? Or are you gonna be in charge of directing? You choose! Talk about it! Get experimental! Put in the performance of a lifetime! #lightscameraaction
6. Put your phone away
Disconnect from the world by putting your phone away. It will make you connect better with the person who’s right there in front of you.
7. Douching
Let’s break the taboo on douching. Cleaning your insides can take too long, especially when you’re horny, and there are people who get upset when stuff still comes out afterwards. Fuck that! Fuck them! Douching is essential to anal sex. Does your partner get upset by a douching incident? Then they’re a douche, not you! Change the narrative; make douching part of your (fore)play. Try it with a partner you feel comfortable with because it doesn’t get much more intimate than this. Buy an extra-long silicone douche nozzle for a deeper clean, or get one with ridges and bumps for added stimulation. #letsdouchethis
8. Sexting
Communication is key, not just during your date, but also before you meet. Sexting is a great way to build up the anticipation. Share all the naughty things you want to do to each other. Listen to your partner’s fantasies. Send each other pics that are not safe for work, while you’re at work. Open your mind. Don’t judge. Common, be a pig!
9. Take a break
You don’t need to be fingering, fucking, and fisting each other all night. Respect the needs of your partner when they tell you they need a little break. It’s the perfect time to talk, cuddle, chill, evaluate the night, connect, eat, or even have a power nap. Do whatever you need to wind down and recharge.
10. Enjoy
And most importantly, enjoy each other’s company! Have fun. Go with the flow. Be intimate. Fuck each other’s brains out. Sex is about giving pleasure and receiving it. It shouldn’t be a struggle. Knowing this is one thing, being aware of it while you’re doing it, is another.
