I had recently moved from Amsterdam to Madrid when Mister B asked me to write this review, and it could not have come at a better time. New in the city, stinking of fresh meat and armed with my much-desired ‘Guiri’ looks and a selection of five different lubricants, I was ready to get a taste of Spanish culture. With so many different lubricants out there to choose from, hopefully, this erotic journal of sorts will help guide you along your selection process.
Mister B LUBE
An hour before my friends arrived for the weekend, I realised it might be days before I could have a good old-fashioned drilling. I quickly found a match on Scruff, and within fifteen minutes, he was at my door, exceeding expectations. (I love you, Madrid!) With limited time and no specified kinks, I chose the lube I knew would work best: the regular water-based Mister B LUBE. For a fast fuck when you can’t afford to create a mess in the house, this lube is perfect. We only had to reapply once (which is pretty stellar for water-based lubes), and I was comfortably pounded from the sofa to the kitchen counter. After trying to do the whole let’s-do-this-again-sometime goodbye in broken Spanish, I only had to hand-wash my hole with warm water from the tap and was ready to welcome my friends. Easy!
Mister B LUBE Waterbased 100 ml
€ 11.95
Mister B LUBE Thick
It was after a fetish party, at 6 am, and I needed kinky, degraded and humiliate-me kind of sex. Luckily, an invite to a chill was just what the doctor ordered. I grabbed the LUBE Thick and was on my way. The great thing about this water-based lube is that it isn’t going anywhere quickly. So, when I was tied up, blindfolded and instructed to sit down on this guy’s foot, I knew the lube would still be there, waiting for a pleasant, smooth glide down. (Make sure you rub it over the whole surface first, as it won’t do that alone.) When my hole was nice and loose from the “footing” (is that a term?), we moved on to dildos and other toys. As many know, water-based lube is universally toy-friendly, so there is nothing to fret about.
Mister B LUBE Thick 100 ml
€ 11.95
Mister B LUBE Sensitive
Admittedly, I may have overdone it at the chill. While the lube did its job, my first experience of having so much stuffed up there left my ass slightly raw and in need of some TLC. Luckily, Mister B had included the sensitive version of their water-based lube to review, so I popped it in my pocket and headed to my fuck-buddy neighbour, one door down. He lubed up his dick, and I thoroughly lubed up my hole for good measure, and it went it with no wincing in pain on my part. The only moans his poor housemates (sorry, boys!) were hearing were ones of pleasure and encouragement to go harder. This lube includes aloe vera, known for its anti-inflammatory wonders, and vitamin E, known for its antioxidant properties. Together, the two ensured smooth sailing for hours before I waddled home, leaking and smiling!
Mister B LUBE Sensitive 100 ml
€ 12.95
Mister B GLIDE
In my quest for some variety in my sex life and an engaging review, I thought to test the versatility of GLIDE, a silicone-based lube which claimed to double as a moisturiser and massage formula. Naively (in hindsight), I decided to put “masaje” (massage, in Spanish) as my Grindr name. After sifting through some unwanted offers, I finally found a sexy, hairy-chested daddy to come over for a sensual (un-paid!) experience. I’m no massage expert, to say the least, so a lot was riding on this lube, and thankfully, it was a hit. It felt super silky and soft and didn’t get absorbed by the skin. With just a generous dollop, I was able to work my way up and down his entire neck, back, (pussy), and his crack. Pro tip: enhance the experience by adding a few drops of tea tree oil for a relaxing scent.
Mister B GLIDE 100 ml
€ 17.95
Mister B GLIDE Extreme
My apartment in Madrid is tiny but has a disproportionately large shower. When I got the keys and saw that shower in person, I thought to myself, “I need to get fucked in here!” Months later, for this review, I seized the opportunity. The couple I invited told me they wanted me waiting on all fours but didn’t specify where. So, being strategic, I hopped in the shower and got into position. The GLIDE Extreme, a silicone-based lube, held up well under the hot water, maintaining its slippery texture without needing reapplication during our steamy encounter. What separates this from the regular GLIDE is the added Laureth-9, which is slightly desensitising, making it feel like the silicone counterpart to the LUBE Sensitive. I still felt all the feels, but it meant I was able to take both dicks at once without too much huffing and puffing.
Mister B GLIDE Extreme 100 ml
€ 20.95
To conclude, not only can I highly recommend getting a taste of the Spanish ‘culture’ yourself, but I can safely say that whether you’re in the market for a weekend-long BDSM session, a quick fuck between afternoon appointments or a slow and sensual erotic experience, there’s a lube from Mister B that will have you covered!
